A “relationship” with God

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The great “intellectual”, ahem, Steve Harvey, he’s in the group of those mentally ill having a “relationship” with the non-existent. Check.

My whole life my christian friends/family have told me that they have a “relationship” with “god” or “jesus” and that “god” wants a “relationship” with me, and that I’m missing out on, or choosing not to have, a “relationship” with “god.” Now, again, my whole life, I’ve never for the life of me understood what the hell this even means. Is putting your hands together and speaking incantations, attempting to send psychic signals to a seemingly legendary being (prayer) having this “relationship” with this “god”??? (I did that many times – no response).

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So….you literally want someone who loves NOTHING more than you? So if they love nothing more than you, you want their love for you to be, err, negative, in other words, you want them to hate you?

I mean, what the hell do you even mean? Are you telling me there is some supernatural being that visits you, and you hang out together, go shopping, have conversations??? What the heck kind of “relationship” is this that you are having anyways??? I mean, usually we know what we mean by “relationship” – what do you mean???? How can I have some personal “relationship” with what appears to be the non-existent???? Like telling me to have a relationship with 0, or with santa clause. Or that the smell of blue wants me to call him on Tuesday. WTF???? Is this all just some kind of inside joke?

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Yes, you know, that relationship where you have a mental illness so talk to yourself, thinking you are having a “relationship” with a magical being who’s not really there?
 
And, like, I just wouldn’t WANT to have a “relationship” with some supernatural, omnipotent being, if i could? One that would confer special powers and protections, grant special requests, and like I haven’t asked for this “personal relationship” to begin, this “all loving” being to walk out of the ether and start hanging out with me, be my “bud”, many times? You think I’m crazy? Like we wouldn’t ALL want a “relationship” with powerful people, let alone the MOST powerful being, ever??? Like I haven’t talked to myself trying to send these psychic radio-signals to summon this super sky-jinni myself? Funny “he” never showed up, nor did a voice start emanating out of the sky saying “hey chris, this is Yahweh, sorry it took so long to get back to you, I’m a busy deity after all, how’s your day going? So glad we can now have this one on one, buddy-buddy relationship, let’s hang out dude!”maxresdefault-20
 

Are you just specially granted an audience with the omnipotent dictator that I have been denied, despite my sincere requests and desire to have this “relationship” with this being, if in fact “he” exists?

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Um, girl…hate to tell ya, but, um, ya, you are in love with a figment of your imagination, at least Justin Bieber is real. Here, we have a straight jacket for you right over here….

Or is this just all some type of metaphor, like everything in your religion is a metaphor when you don’t prefer the otherwise distasteful, literal interpretation? Or are you people who are having this “relationship” just afflicted with an un-diagnosed multiple personality disorder and you are in fact having a “relationship” with yourself, and I was just chasing crazy??? Or maybe you just don’t understand what the term “relationship” means? Or maybe you are just a damn liar, huh, couldn’t that be it? It’s just amazingly baffling to me! All these people having a “relationship” with jesus and god, how do these deities even keep up with all their appointments and dates and whatnot, with each of these millions of people who each day are having this “personal relationship” with them!!!!????

People just SWEAR that this “personal relationship” they are having with these deities is real. So, should you really trust your daughter having a “personal relationship” with Yahweh, unsupervised? Look at what he did to Mary some 2k years ago. You really want this dude raping and knocking up your preteen daughter when you turn your back, the way he did to her? I see some big flashing warning signs with some of these “relationships” omni-stud is having on the sly, based on past behavior.

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How can I have a “relationship” with an invisible, magical, apparently made-up, mythical and non-existent being that I have zero evidence for? I can’t have a relationship with a figment of YOUR imagination, sorry. Until “he” appears here in front of me or the wall starts talking to me, I’m afraid me and “god” have a relationship on hold.
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I’m very glad some of you are special enough to curry favor from this “god” and have a relationship with “him.” As for me, a lowly slug apparently not worthy of this “personal” attention from the alpha and omega, I’ll just have to be satisfied for now with having a relationship with “reality.”44
 (all memes used in this post were from the religious I found on an internet search, and used here, ahem, so take them for what they are worth)

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